Raised Like Soldiers
by irishgirl9
Summary: Flashback story featuring Wee!chesters. My interpretation of why John raised Dean and Sam like soldiers.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters of Dean, Sam, John and Pastor Jim. They belong to the wonderful Eric Kripke. The rest are figments of my imagination.

_I'm going back to school today  
But I'm dropping myself off  
I'm throwing the childhood scenes away  
I'm through ripping myself off  
I'm done ripping myself off_

_Well I'm child and man and child again  
The toy broken boy soldier_

Broken Boy Soldier

By The Raconteurs

"Dean we were raised like soldiers," Sam said angrily.

Not that crap about soldiers again that thought Dean.

Sam and Dean were sitting in their motel room. They had just received a text message of coordinates from their dad and Sam was pissed. He felt like they were being ordered around like when they were children. He couldn't stand it.

"Do we have to have this argument again," said an exasperated Dean.

"Dean don't you ever get tired of being ordered around. I mean it's been like this since we were kids," said Sam.

"Sam, Dad was just doing what he thought was best," said Dean.

"Come on Dean, there could have been another way. One that didn't involve raising us like soldiers." countered Sam.

"Dad wasn't always like this. You don't know what happened back then to change him. You were too young to remember," said Dean.

"Remember what, remember Mom. I know I don't remember Mom," said Sam looking hurt.

"I didn't mean that Sam, I'm sorry. I meant something else," said Dean suddenly wishing he hadn't said anything at all.

"Well then, what are you talking about?" asked Sam.

"Forget it. Let's just drop it," said Dean hoping he would.

Dean had a strange look on his face like he remembered something that he spent years trying to forget.

"No Dean, you brought it up. I want to know what you're talking about. What don't I remember?" said Sam getting mad at Dean's evasiveness.

Dean began to look a little uneasy. He hadn't thought about this in a long time and he really didn't want to discuss it now. He remained silent staring off into space. He wished that Sam would just let it drop. Dean sat on the edge of the bed for a long time not saying anything.

Sam was beginning to worry. He hadn't really wanted to fight with Dean and now Dean's silence was beginning to unnerve him. He knew Dean didn't like to talk much, but Sam could tell that something was really upsetting him.

"Dean, please talk to me," pleaded a worried Sam.

Dean looked over at Sam. He stared at him for a few seconds before turning to look at the floor. He could tell that Sam was worried about him. Dean heaved a big sigh and finally began to speak.

"It was the summer of 1984. I was five and you were one. We were staying with Pastor Jim's sister Evie and her husband Mark, at their house. It was just outside of Kansas City. Dad had just got back from a hunt," began Dean.

_Flashback_

John Winchester had just returned from a hunt. He quietly entered the bedroom where his sons were sleeping. It was late, but he hadn't seen his sons in over two weeks. John stood there for a few minutes watching his children sleeping peacefully, before quietly exiting. He headed back downstairs. He joined Jim, Evie and Mark in the family room.

"Are they still sleeping?" Evie asked.

"Don't worry I didn't wake them. I just needed to see them," answered John.

"You know John I love having the boys here, but you could take them with you," said Evie.

"I want them to have as normal a childhood as possible. If they came with me, they wouldn't have that," sighed John.

"They really miss you when you're not here," said Mark.

"I miss them too," said John.

"So how long will you here for?" asked Jim.

"Well, I hope to stick around here for a while," said John.

"Good, because those boys need you," Jim said.

The next morning after breakfast, John decided to take Sam and Dean to the park. He packed up Sam's diaper bag and they left. When they arrived at the park, Dean noticed several kids kicking around a soccer ball. He wanted to go join them.

"Daddy, can I go play with them," Dean asked excitedly.

"Sure son, just don't wander off," said John.

John watched Dean run over and join the other kids. He smiled to himself. Dean was a good kid. John knew he didn't have to worry about Dean wandering off. He would never go anywhere, without asking his dad first.

John took Sam over to the swings and put him in the baby swing. Sam squealed with delight. John was still able to keep an eye on Dean while pushing Sam in the swing.

After a while Dean walked over to the swings. The other kids had left with their parents to go home for lunch.

"Did you have fun playing with the other kids?" John asked.

Yes, but they had to leave. Push me Daddy," said Dean sitting on a swing.

John began pushing Dean in the swing.

"Higher, daddy, higher," said Dean.

John smiled. He loved these times with his children. Sam and Dean being kids and having fun. Suddenly, there was a foul odor in the air. It was coming from Sam's diapers.

"Ewwww!" said Dean making a face.

John hated these times when Sam had a stinky diaper. He pulled Sam up out of the swing and took him over to a picnic to change him. Dean was still in sitting in his swing.

After John changed Sam, he looked around for a trash can to dispose of the stinky diaper. He didn't see one close by. He looked over at Dean happily swinging away. I'll only be gone for a second John thought.

"Dean I'll be right back. I have to find a trash can for Sam's diaper," said John.

"Okay Daddy," said Dean.

John, carrying Sam on his hip, walked around for a few seconds, not seeing a trash can. Man Sam's diaper really stinks he thought with a grimace. Finally he spotted a trashcan about fifty yards away. He walked over and put the smelly diaper in the can. He turned around and walked back towards the swings.

John felt like his heart stopped. The swings were empty. Dean was nowhere in sight. The one Dean had been sitting on was still swinging, but he was not in it. John started looking around, but he didn't seen Dean anywhere. He was now beginning to panic.

"Dean, where are you? Dean!" shouted a frantic John.

There was no response. John kept shouting his son's name, but got no response.

_More to Come_

Thanks for reading!!! Reviews are always greatly aprreciated!


	2. Chapter 2

Dean had been sitting on the swing waiting for his dad to get back. He wanted him to push him high on the swing. He didn't notice the man that had approached him from behind. The man placed his hand firmly over Dean's mouth, effectively muffling it. He pulled Dean off the swing. Dean struggled to get away from his kidnapper. All his efforts produced for him was losing one of his shoes.

The man carried Dean over to a black SUV. When he got there he pulled out a roll of duct tape and taped Dean's mouth shut. Then he tied Dean's hands and feet together before tossing him in the back of the SUV. He got in the front and drove off.

John didn't notice the SUV exiting the parking lot. He was frantically running around the park shouting Dean's name. He didn't see his little boy anywhere. He was on the verve of breaking down. All of his screaming was scaring Sam, who was now crying. John told himself calm down. Maybe Dean got bored and wandered off, but John knew that hadn't happened. Dean would never wander off by himself. He went to the car to see if Dean was there, but he wasn't.

John decided that he needed to call the police. There was a payphone in the parking lot. He dialed 911 and told the operator that his son was missing. She said she would send a couple of police officers over to the park. Next John called Evie's house. Jim answered.

"Hello" said Jim

"Jim, its John. I'm at the park. Dean's missing. I can't find him anywhere." The words came rushing out of John's mouth.

"John we'll be right there," said Jim.

A squad car pulled and two officers got up. John walked over to them. They introduced themselves as Officer Davis and Officer Lake. They asked John to tell them what happened. He explained that he had gone off in search of a trash can and when he got back his son was gone.

"Maybe your son wandered off," suggested Officer Davis.

"He wouldn't do that. Dean's a good boy. He wouldn't just wander off," said an exasperated John. Why won't they believe him? They're wasting precious time he thought.

"Okay did you see anybody suspicious hanging around the park. Maybe somebody who looked like they didn't belong in a children's park?" asked Officer Lake

"What! You think I would wander off and leave my son alone if I saw a strange person lurking around the park!" yelled John.

Sam started crying again the sound of John's shouting. John was still trying to calm him down when Jim and Evie arrived. Evie reached to take a crying Sam from John. He didn't want to let go of Sam.

"John why don't you let me take Sam. Has he eaten yet?" asked Evie.

Realizing that Sam was probably hungry, John reluctantly handed him over to Evie so she could feed him. He sat down at the picnic table and told Jim and Evie what had happened.

"Do you remember what your son was wearing today and if you have a recent photo with you that would help," said Officer Davis.

"He had on a navy blue t-shirt, tan shorts and blue sneakers," John said.

He pulled a picture out of his wallet. It was one of Dean holding Sam on his lap, taken three months earlier. He handed the picture to Officer Davis.

"Where's your sons' mother?" asked Officer Lake.

"She died last year in a fire," said John softly.

Officer Lake had radioed for a forensics team to come and check the park for any evidence. They had arrived and were already combing the area. One of them shouted that he found something. He emerged from the woods behind the swings carrying Dean's blue sneaker.

"That's my son's sneaker," cried John.

oooooOOOOooooo

Meanwhile, Dean was now in a strange room. He was lying on a bed. His arm was tied to the side of the bed. He looked around the room. He didn't know where he was and he got scared. Where's my daddy Dean thought.

"Daddy" Dean called out.

There was no response.

"Daddy!" Dean said louder.

Dean kept calling out for his father. Getting no response he started to cry. Just then the door opened. Dean hoped it was his father coming to rescue him.

"Daddy!" cried Dean.

Two men came into the room. One of them was the man who kidnapped Dean. Dean started crying louder upon seeing the man.

"He's perfect Micah," said the man.

"I thought you would approve, Alistair," said Micah as a smile formed on his face.

"Where's my Daddy?" cried Dean.

Alistair turned to Micah and laughed.

"Usually, they cry for their mommy, but this one wants his daddy," said Alistair.

They exited the room leaving Dean by himself. He began to cry even harder. Daddy where are you thought Dean. He eventually cried himself to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Jim and Evie finally convinced John to head back to the house with them. The police said that they would notify John as soon as they had any news.

As John sat in the back seat of Evie's car next to Sam he felt tears fall. Normally he was a very stoic person, but his fear for Dean grew with each passing second and he could no longer hold it in.

When they got back to the house, Evie fixed John some chamomile tea. He sat on the sofa in the family room looking utterly helpless. Sam was sitting on his lap. Evie convinced John to drink the tea and against his protests she somehow managed to convince him to lie down for a while. He fell asleep on the sofa. Evie took Sam upstairs to change him and get him ready for his nap.

Knowing John would want to see Sam as soon as he woke up; Evie had Jim move the portable crib next to the sofa. Father and son slept side by side. One slept peacefully, while the other was tormented by nightmares about his missing son.

Evie called Mark at work to clue him in on what was going on. She told to hurry home as soon as he could.

oooooOOOOooooo

Dean woke up. He didn't how long he had been in that room for. He was scared and hungry. He didn't like those two men Alistair and Micah. They were scary looking with dark hair and even darker eyes. He missed his daddy and Sammy very badly. Where are they he thought? Why hasn't Daddy come for me? Dean began crying again. He hadn't been this scared since his mom died.

Dean could hear voices outside the door, but he was unable to make out what they were saying. He would have walked over to the door to listen, but his arm was still tied to the bed.

"Micah is everything ready for the ceremony," asked Alistair.

"Yes, everything is right on schedule," replied Micah.

"Good. We can't have any screw ups like last time. I have not survived to over 200 years to have it end now," said Alistair with a hard edge to his voice.

"Look, I didn't like leaving the body where it could be found either, but we had to get out of there quickly or risk being caught. It was the body or the altar and we need the altar," said Micah.

oooooOOOOooooo

John was only able to sleep for a couple of hours. He woke up and looked around the room, unsure of where he was at first. Suddenly it all back to him. Dean he thought. Dean's missing. John noticed the crib had been brought into room. Feeling the need to physically hold on to at least one of his children, John picked up the sleeping Sam. He sat down on the sofa and laid Sam on his chest and watched him sleep. Just then Jim walked into the room to check on John.

"Any news from the police," John asked anxiously.

"No. I just called them and there's nothing new to report. I'm sorry John," said Jim.

_More to Come_


	4. Chapter 4

Dean was still in the room, but he was no longer tied up. They had untied him to let him go to the bathroom and didn't see the need to tie him back up. He had kept asking for his daddy, but he got no answer. Hearing voices outside the room, Dean quietly walked over to the door and listened.

"Everything is ready for the ritual. Hansel has set up the altar. I don't like putting it up so early but I understand it has to be done," said Micah.

"Yes it had to be done. Remember everything has to go perfectly. If we miss even one small detail it won't work. And you know what happens then," said Alistair.

"We die, but that's not going to happen," said Micah.

Dean didn't understand what they were talking about, but he was beginning to fear that he wouldn't ever see his daddy again. Who will help him take care of Sammy thought Dean sadly. Once again tears began to fall down his face.

oooooOOOOooooo

Evie came in with a sandwich for John, but he refused to eat it. She insisted that he needed to eat, but John was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to keep it down.

"We need to be out there looking for Dean!" growled John. He hated feeling helpless and just sitting there on the sofa he felt helpless. He needed to be actively doing something to find his son.

"John, we don't know where to start looking," said Jim.

"We can't just sit here. Dean's out there, God only knows where and we're just sitting here doing nothing!" yelled John who was nearing the breaking point.

John's yelling woke up Sam who had been asleep in John's arms. His eyes darted all around the room. He was looking for Dean who was always there when Sam woke up. Not seeing his big brother, Sam began to cry. John tried to calm him down to no avail. He knew that Sam was crying because he missed Dean. Evie offered to take Sam into the kitchen and feed him. John reluctantly handed him over.

Just then Mark arrived home and came into the family room. He was carrying a folder stuffed with articles. He set the folder on the coffee table and sat down on the sofa. He had just spent the last three hours at the library doing research. He looked over at John and thought he didn't look so good.

"What's in the folder?" asked a curious Jim.

"Research," replied Mark.

"Research on what?" asked Jim.

"Well when Evie called to let me know about Dean, I don't know, it somehow seemed familiar to me. I couldn't figure out what it was until I got in my car, then it came back to me," said Mark.

"What are you talking about," growled John. All this talking was wasting precious time. Time that should be spent looking for Dean.

"John let him finish," Jim said gently.

"I've lived here my whole life and what I remembered is when I was about eight, my friend Steve Tuttle's little brother, Andy went missing. He disappeared from the same park as Dean. He was never found. I also remembered something about a little girl that disappeared about six or seven years ago. So, I went to the library and did some researching," said Mark.

"Is that what's in this folder?" asked Jim as he picked the folder up off the table and began to leaf through it.

"Yeah. I noticed a strange pattern. Every seven years a child about four or five years old has disappeared from the same park. I was only able to find records going back about a hundred years, so I don't know if there were any before that. Also, I noticed that they all disappeared around the same time of year, the beginning of July," said Mark.

"Did they ever find any of them?" John asked anxiously. Please God tell me they found them alive he thought.

Mark hesitated before answering. He didn't know how to tell John what he found out. He sat there quiet for a few seconds before speaking.

"They only found one. The girl who disappeared seven years, Janie Spencer, they found her body four days after she went missing. It was completely drained of blood," said Mark.

John's face suddenly went white. He felt like he could breath. No he thought. No, I can't lose Dean too. He was staring to shake. Jim walked over and put a hand on his shoulder. He could tell that John was on the verge of completely losing it.

"Look, John we'll get Dean back," said Jim trying to reassure John.

"Mark did you find out anything else?" asked Jim.

"Well, I found something that fit in with the pattern. A book on paganism mentions a ritual for immortality. The ritual calls for a sacrifice of innocence through the blood of a young child. Once completed the people performing the ritual are safe from illness, aging and death for seven years. The ritual must take place on the night of the first new moon of summer once every seven years. The first new moon of summer is only two days away," said Mark.

"What!" shouted John. He jumped up off the sofa and began pacing the room. He couldn't believe what he just heard. They only had two days to find his son. Suddenly his hunter mode kicked in.

"Where did they find the body of that girl, Janie?" asked John.

" She was found in a clearing in the woods behind the old Miller farm," replied Mark.

"Where's the Miller farm?" asked John.

"It's about six miles from here. It used to be a thriving farm years ago. After old man Miller died, it fell into disrepair. It's been abandoned for about twenty years now," answered Mark.

"If it's abandoned, it would make a good hideout. We should go check it out," said John anxiously. He headed towards to front door without looking to see if the others were following.

"Wait John, shouldn't we call the police and let them know what I found out?" asked Mark.

"Do you think they would believe us. Mention the words immortality ritual and they would think we were crazy. We have to find Dean now!" said John turning around to face Mark.

Mark and Jim agreed that John was probably right. Leaving Sam with Evie they drove out to the old Miller farm. They checked out the farmhouse and found it empty. There was no sign that anyone had been there recently. John had been hoping that they would find Dean inside the farmhouse.

They decided to check out the clearing in the woods where Janie Spencer's body was found. In the middle of the clearing there was a small wooden alter. It had several symbols carved into the side. They matched ones that Mark had found during his research. They walked over to the altar to check it out.

Upon seeing the altar an idea popped into Mark's head. An idea he was sure John wouldn't like, but it may be their best chance at rescuing Dean.

"This must be used in the ritual. The book said something about the altar needing to breathe for a couple of days before the ritual. What if we waited for them bring Dean here for the ritual? We could hide out and surprise them," said Mark.

"No! No way in hell!" shouted a furious John. That would be too much like using Dean as bait and that thought made John sick to his stomach.

"John, I think it might be our only way to rescue Dean. We don't know where he is being held, but we do know that they will bring him here," said Mark.

"What if we don't make it in time? What if we can't save Dean?" cried John.

"Look John I don't like it either, but Mark's right. This is our best chance at getting Dean back safe," said Jim.

"Okay," John reluctantly agreed. He was sick at the thought of what could happen to Dean, but he realized that they didn't have any other option.

_More to Come_


	5. Chapter 5

The next two days passed in a slow agony for John. He spent most of the time sitting on the sofa holding Sam. He hardly ate anything and he only slept for a couple of hours at a time.

John had wanted to keep his children safe from the supernatural things, but he knew now that was impossible. When he got his son back, John decided that he would make sure his children were prepared to face anything. God please just let me get my son back safe he thought.

John, Mark and Jim came up with a plan for rescuing Dean. They were going to hide out at the farmhouse until it was dark. Under the cover of darkness they would head to the clearing in the woods surprise the bastards who had Dean. They weren't exactly sure what weapons they would need to use, so they were bringing a little of everything.

oooooOOOOooooo

Dean spent the next two days locked in that room alone for most part. He had been let out only a couple of times to go to the bathroom. He had lost all track of time, but he still hoped that his daddy would show up and rescue him.

The door opened and Micah walked in. He told Dean to get up because they were leaving. Dean didn't like the evil grin on his face. Maybe he's taking me to Daddy thought Dean.

"Are you taking me to my daddy?" asked Dean.

"No, so stop asking about your daddy," said Micah as he walked towards Dean.

"I want my daddy. I want my Sammy," cried Dean.

Micah had duct and rope with him. They couldn't risk Dean making any noise when they took him out of the house. Dean grew very frightened when he saw what Micah was carrying. Dean tried to back away from him. Micah roughly grabbed him by the arm. Dean started struggling to get away. Micah tightened his grip on Dean's arm so hard that it began to bruise. Micah quickly overpowered the little boy and had him bound and gagged. He carried Dean out the black SUV and put him inside. Alistair and Hansel joined him in the SUV and they headed out towards the Miller farm. Dean lay on the floor in the back and silently cried.

oooooOOOOooooo

John, Mark and Jim were waiting inside the farmhouse. They had parked Mark's car in the barn so it wouldn't be seen. It was almost sunset. They knew it wouldn't be much longer. Mark had wisely suggested that they place a hidden walkie-talkie in near the altar. That way they could hear when somebody showed up.

Micah had parked the SUV just outside the clearing where the altar was. They all got out. Micah carried Dean over to the altar and placed him out it. He untied his hands and feet, only to tie them to the altar. Hansel began to light candles so they could see in through the darkness. He turned towards Alistair.

"Is it time?" he asked.

"Yes. Once again we renew our immortality through the blood of this child." replied Alistair with a wicked grin.

The three men stood around the altar and began to chant in a pagan language that had been around for over 2000 years. They had to make sure that they got the words exactly correct. One mistake and the ritual would not work.

The stress of waiting was getting to John. He was pacing back and forth like a caged tiger that was ready to attack the second it was released. Suddenly they heard a noise coming from the walkie-talkie. John picked it up and listened. He could hear voices. It sounded like they were chanting. John didn't think that it sounded liked there too many of them. This was good he thought, less of them to take down.

"Let's go," growled John.

They all grabbed their weapons and headed out the door. They were trying to make as little noise as possible as they headed towards the clearing.

Dean lay tied to altar, as the men continued their chanting. He didn't understand what was going on and this made him even more frightened. Once again his thoughts turned to his father as he silently prayed for his daddy to show up and rescue him.

After the chanting finished, Hansel pulled out a large knife and handed it to Micah. He held it up the sky and began speaking loudly, reciting a pagan blessing for the knife. When finished he passed the knife the Alistair, who held it above Dean. Dean started crying when he saw the knife.

John, Mark and Jim reached the clearing in time to see Alistair holding the knife over Dean. Without thinking first, John charged towards Alistair and knocked him to the ground. Alistair was momentarily dazed, but he pushed John away and stood up. He had to continue with the ritual or all would be lost. Once again he stood over Dean with the knife.

"Get away from my son!" growled an angry John.

Meanwhile, Jim and Mark were busy fighting with Micah and Hansel. Mark, being much bigger than Hansel, was quickly able to subdue the man. Jim had a little trouble with Micah, He pulled a gun on the man, but Micah didn't stop. Jim hit Micah's head with the gun and he fell to the ground unconscious. Mark quickly tied up both men.

Dean hadn't been able to see what was going from his position on the alter, but when he heard his father's voice, his heart soared. He tried to call out to his father, but couldn't because to the tape still covering his mouth.

"I will not die tonight!" shouted Alistair as he brought the knife closer to Dean.

John pulled out a gun and aimed it at Alistair. Just as Alistair was about to plunge the knife into Dean's chest, John shot him. Alistair was hit in the leg and staggered backwards before falling to the ground. John could have killed him, but he wouldn't do that in front of Dean.

John rushed over to Dean's side and quickly untied him. He gently pulled the tape off Dean's mouth. Relief washed over John as he heard Dean speak.

"Daddy," said Dean through his tears.

"Shh, its okay Dean. I'm here," said John trying to soothe his son.

John looked Dean over to make sure he was physically okay. His anger flared up when he saw the bruise on Dean's arm. John pulled Dean into a tight embrace not wanting to ever let go of his son. Dean put his head on John's chest and sobbed.

"What are we going to do with these three?" asked Mark who had just tied up Alistair.

John looked over at three men tied up on the ground. He knew what he really wanted to do to them. He wanted to hurt them, to make them sorry they ever took his son, but his focus needed to be on his little boy right now.

"We could call the police, but how would we explain this to them?" said Jim.

The three men on the ground were struggling against the ropes tying them up, but they held tight. They knew what fate had in store for them. Because they didn't finish the ritual, they were going to die. They were going to die and they were not happy about it.

That little brat thought Alistair. This is all his fault. If we had picked a different kid this never would have happened. Alistair knew what was going to happen to him very soon. If I'm going to die at least I can take the kid with me he thought. He was struggling to get free of the ropes tying his wrist together when he felt them loosen.

John, Jim and Mark were busying trying to figure out what to do with the men. They didn't know that they were going to die soon. They also didn't notice that Alistair had gotten free of his bonds. He stood up and walked over to John still holding Dean in his arms.

"You'll pay for this you little brat, If I die so do you," said Alistair as he tryed to grab Dean from John arms.

Dean started screaming at the top of his lungs. Alistair grabbed his bruised arm and started pulling on it trying to wrench him out of John's arms. John held tight to his son. He tried backing away from Alistair, but the altar was blocking his way. Dean kept screaming.

Jim and Mark, seeing what was going on, rushed over and grabbed Alistair. They pulled him away from John and Dean. They held on tight to Alistair as he struggled against them. Jim and Mark suddenly felt their hands start to burn as they held Alistair. They had no choice, but to let go of Alistair.

Dean was now sobbing violently in father's arms. John was doing his best to try and calm him down, but the little boy kept on sobbing. Then something happened that would haunt Dean's dreams for months to come.

Having not been able to complete the ritual in time, Alistair, Micah and Hansel burst into flames. They screamed in pain as their bodies burnt up. Alistair started walking towards Dean with his arms out as if he was going to grab him. Dean screamed. Alistair never made it. He burned to death right in front of Dean. All that was left of the three men was a pile of ashes.

Mark and Jim told John to take Dean to the car. They were going to burn the altar for good measure and didn't want Dean to see it.

By the time they got home, Dean had fallen asleep. John gently carried him into the house and was met by Evie who had been waiting up for them. When they walked in, she rushed over to them.

"Thank God, you found him. Is he okay?" asked a concerned Evie.

"He's okay physically, just a bruise on his arm," said John knowing, however, that Dean's mental state was a different story.

Dean started to stir in his father's arms. He was beginning to wake up. He opened his eyes and looked around the room. He was still scared, but he felt safer in John's arms.

"Daddy, where's Sammy?" asked Dean quietly.

"He's upstairs sleeping. Do you want to go check on him?" asked John.

Dean nodded. They went upstairs and checked on Sam who was sleeping peacefully in his crib. It was late so John lay down on the bed with Dean and held him as fell asleep. John knew he needed to take a shower, but didn't. He didn't want to leave Dean even if it was only for five minutes. He just lay there watching Dean sleep, thanking God for his return.

_More to Come_

Reviews are always greatly appreciated.


	6. Chapter 6

Dean had been asleep only a couple of hours, when he woke up screaming at the top of his lungs. He was having a terrible nightmare of Alistair burning in front of him. Dean didn't seem to know where he was.

"Dean it's okay. You're safe. I'm here," John said trying to comfort his son.

Dean kept screaming, stuck in a waking nightmare. His screams woke up Sam who began to cry. John was frightened for his son. He tried to get Dean to calm down, but nothing was working. Evie came in and took Sam out of the room to get him settled. John took Dean's face in his hands and looked him directly in the eyes. It hurt him to see his son in so much pain.

"Dean, you're safe. I'm here. I won't let anything happen to you. You're safe," said John hoping his words would get through to his son.

"Daddy," said Dean starting to realize where he was.

"I'm here Dean," answered John.

Dean relaxed against his father's body allowing John to wrap his arms around his son. John held Dean tightly as he cried. It pained John to see his son like this.

This was the first of many nights that Dean woke up screaming from horrible nightmares of Alistair burning in front of him. Dean was afraid that Alistair was somehow going to come back and get him. John tried to get him to talk about but Dean wouldn't, so John just held him tight as he cried.

Dean never talked about what had happened to him. John had tried on several occasions to get Dean to open up, but he was too traumatized. John was afraid he would cause further pain by pushing Dean to open up so he didn't.

John started Dean's training shortly after he was rescued. John knew that he couldn't protect Dean from his nightmares, but he could make sure that Dean would be able to protect himself from what was out there. John didn't want his son to ever feel so helpless again.

_End Flashback_

"Oh God Dean, why didn't you ever tell me this?" asked Sam. He couldn't believe everything he just heard.

"Because I spent a long time trying to forget that it ever happened," said Dean quietly.

Dean and Sam sat there in silence. Sam was still trying to process what Dean had just told him. He couldn't believe what Dean had gone through. He was also beginning to see his dad in a different light. It must have been so hard on him nearly losing Dean so soon after losing his wife, thought Sam. After losing Jessica he knew that he couldn't take it if something were to happen to Dean. Sam looked over at his brother.

"I'm sorry Dean. I'm sorry for giving you such a hard time lately. I guess I've been angry with Dad because I thought that he only cared about killing the demon. Sometimes forget about how much Dad loves us," said Sam.

"When you left for Stanford, Dad wasn't mad you at for leaving us. He was scared because he couldn't protect you. He just didn't know how to tell you that," said Dean.

Dean got out a map and started looking up the coordinates his father had sent them hours earlier.

"Dean, If you ever want to talk about what happened you can. You don't have to, but I want you to know that I'll listen," said Sam.

Dean sat there in silence for a while. Dean was about to tell Sam something he had never told anyone before, not even his father, but he felt like it was time he shared it with someone. He was glad that someone was Sam. He took a deep breath.

"You know for along time afterwards every time I closed my eyes I saw Alistair's face. I saw his burning body walking towards me. Even though I knew he was dead I thought he would come back to get me. I was so afraid, but couldn't bring myself to tell Dad. When Dad started training me, I felt better. I felt more in control. I was scared for a long time, but being able to face the supernatural head on helps," said Dean.

"Dean thank you for sharing that with me. I'm sorry for what you went through, but I'm glad you told me. You know Dean anytime you want to talk about anything you can," said Sam.

Sam sat there looking at Dean for a while. Sam had never realized before how brave his big brother really was. He carried around this silent burden a long time. Sam only hoped that sharing what happened was helpful to Dean. He was afraid that Dean might regress into that fear he had had as a little boy and not be his usual confident and cocky self.

"You're not going to try and hug me are you Sammy, because I don't do hugs," said Dean with a smirk.

Sam laughed at that. Yeah, Dean was still the same.

"Okay Dean, we had better get a move on," said Sam through his laughter.

**The End**

**A/N: **I want to send out a big thanks to everyone who read my story. I hope you liked it. A huge thanks goes out to everyone who took the time to write a review. Thanks again! You guys are awesome!!! Please let me know what you thought of this last chapter.


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